Good Morning 7th Sealers of a Pale Horse,
While it’s been said by wiser men than me, yet it seems as though I’m the only one that recognizes these obvious ‘signs of the times.’ I don’t pretend to be some sort of spiritual conduit as does the Bagwan, but I’ve always been able to sense these subtleties when they present themselves. A good example of this is my prediction of 40% plus tax rates on Obama’s election a year before. I also documented more than a year ago that Cush would utterly destroy his back yard—he’s purchased a new chain saw. These are but a few of my on-the-money predictions. This week was filled with bizarre happenstance that literally raised the hair on the back of my neck. Surely the following has to be taken seriously:
We as a people are about to face a dramatic shortage of good toilet paper and forced to suffer a brutal raspy ass wipe! “A shortage of high-quality paper for recycling could mean scratchy toilet tissue. To keep consumers happy and avoid any chafed rear ends, companies are now on a quest to find new paper supplies. The problem: Consumers once could fill up large bins with their recycled newspapers, magazines and print paper. But as electronic communication surges, these sources of recycled paper are becoming scarce.” As if life’s rich pageant isn’t already difficult to bear, we now must face the prospect of chapped and unrefined ass-wipe! Utilizing sandpaper to finish off what was otherwise a beautiful bowel movement seems cruel and unreasonable.
Can the ‘Bloody Moon’ be far away?
The fictional city of Riverdale, home to Archie, Jughead, Veronica, and Betty, is about to welcome its first gay resident – a first in the 69-year history of the character. Kevin Keller, Archie Comics’ first openly gay character is introduced in the comic as “the new hunk in town” and Veronica falls hard for him. While I don’t consider myself homophobic, is this not ‘Apocryphal?’ Just one more step in the normalization of a not so normal behavior.
Do you smell frogs?
George Orwell’s ‘1984’ wasn’t that far off! ‘Thought Police’ aside, a U.S. Company PIPS Technology has announced a trial program in the UK that will via satellite, track vehicles and average a speed over a known distance, then issue tickets. According to the company, the cameras can capture license plate numbers in “all weather conditions, 24 hours a day” and also say the system has a low price tag and is easy to install. No doubt years away from broad acceptance, our cash strapped city and state governments must be licking their collective chops! All I can say is, if this is the kind of stuff being dreamed up to nab speeders, exactly why haven’t we caught Osama bin Laden?
I think I hear trumpets!
While this sign is more regionalized than the others it is nevertheless disturbing. To the delight of some and the abject disillusionment of others, Tim Tebow was drafted in the first round by our beloved Denver Broncos. We’ve all seen him work at the collegian level, and I too respect the kid’s competiveness and heart. However, anyone overlaying scripture on their lamp-black certainly leaves themselves open to scrutiny. Tebow said if someone had asked him a few weeks ago what team he would end up with, it would not be the Broncos. But obviously that changed. “We just hit it off strong the last couple of weeks,” he said, calling McDaniels “a great coach who really believes in what he believes in.” What brilliance! Such command! Believes in what he believes in? Is he talking to Yogi Berra?
I don’t know about the two or three of you reading this circumlocution, but I’m headed for the hills!