Good Morning Pestiferous Ones,
If we can be adults for just a minute I’d like to tell you something. Oblivious to being fingered as a ‘peder-ass’ I watched children play during an obvious recess and was struck at just how free they were. They were flying around at full tilt, making sure all external equipment and monkey bars were touched in perfect succession. As if choreographed they moved from one story-line to another needing no formal transition other than to think it. How fucking marvelous would it be if we could capture that sense of wonderment? To build a ‘fort’ and lay siege to the back yard while batting Crabbapples into your neighbor’s yard; I’d give anything for 24 hours. Hell with that! I always ‘wish’ for things but rarely lift my ass off a bar stool to make it happen. I’m going to do it!!
TWO HOURS LATER:
I’d almost forgotten how humiliating being arrested is. The mug shot and fingerprinting pale in comparison to my imprisonment in an 8’ X 10’ holding cell with three swarthy brethren with bad attitudes. All I wanted was to briefly experience the unbridled joy of a child, and got punched in the face for my trouble. Finding a corner to defend myself from I awaited my son to drive from Ft. Collins and post bail.
The potholes surrounding my hovel make it difficult to play so I wandered a bit outside my shabby confines to discover a walkway along a creek I suspect winds its way to the Platte River. I felt better immediately taking in the sweet air. The sound of water dancing over the creek bed soothed the pent up hostility of tax time. I was free. It was cloudy and blustery yet reasonably warm so there were a few others enjoying themselves along the pathway. I love this time of year as the fairer sex removes layers of clothing leaving God’s handy-work to be enjoyed by all.
I meandered my way along the bank watching insects and minnows scatter as I approached. I happened upon several pieces of wood that had obviously been placed there but served no purpose I could see, so I picked up the one looking very much like a boomerang. With the exception of a few knot-holes my stick was smooth and flat so I threw it like you’d toss a stone to skip it atop the water. Much to my surprise the would-be boomerang actually flew in an arc making it easy to retrieve. I continued my walk; having great fun throwing then fetching the stick as the day passed along the creek. Little did I know everything was about to change.
I was at a spot where the pathway came within 10 feet of the water’s edge. I again tossed the stick but it had gotten wet and slipped from my hand taking an odd trajectory. I stood watching when from around a blind spot came an older skinny woman riding her bike. I immediately knew she was about to be plowed by the boomerang and didn’t have time to shout a warning as the lumber caught her flush on the head! My mouth agape, I watched her lose control and fly head first into a thicket of Mulberry bushes as her bike continued its track into the creek. Everything moved in slow motion. As I assessed what had just happened, I began to laugh. At first quietly to myself, then gradually became a full blown guffaw! I couldn’t stop. The woman dragged herself out of the bushes and seemed to be marking things off a check list as to her body parts. “Did you throw this at me?” barked the woman holding my stick highly agitated as one would expect. “Yes” I giggled trying to compose myself but relieved she wasn’t injured. She stormed over to her bike and pulled it out making certain nothing was broken. “I don’t find any of this funny Mr. and would hope good manners will dictate an apology!” I repeatedly apologized but could not stop laughing so I’m pretty sure it came off as phony. The woman got back on her bike and muttered something I couldn’t make out as she rode off.
I returned to my walk still chuckling about the unfortunate woman and was enjoying the sun finally making an appearance when I noticed two cops on bikes riding toward me. I suspected the woman complained and was about to get a warning of some sort. I was read my rights and cuffed. As the young Sergeant finished with the cuffs he said in the most sarcastic way possible, “If you’re going to throw things at people you should probably leave the Mayor alone…what a dipshit” Evidently the boomerang hit Jill Wilson, Englewood’s Mayor Pro tem.
So even after all these years being a kid once again landed me in the Principal’s office. Jeez.