Good Morning Academy,
“Well, I think we can put this one to rest;” the ‘Dude’ takes home an Oscar. For quite some time now the debate has raged about those who ‘get it’ in terms of the movie (The Big Lebowski) and those that dismissed it as navel lint. For those of us caught up in the genius of the writing and screenplay few recognized Jeff Bridges’ portrayal of the ‘Dude’ as being worthy of such recognition. I have been the lone voice for this cause. Since 1972 when the Academy was exposed as fluff merchants giving ‘Best Picture,’ Best Actor’ to ‘The Sting’ versus ‘Papillion,’ quite possibly Steve McQueen’s finest effort, I’ve been disillusioned with the annual farce. However, this year’s award for ‘Best Actor’ and ‘Best Actress’ go a long way in restoring a bit of that lost faith. While not having seen either Crazy Heart or The Blind Side, the Academy saw fit to recognize the work of two of my favorite thespians. For that I’m truly amazed, no stupefied! But I suspect something dreadful is about to happen given the other shoe hangs as the ‘Sword of Damocles.’ History dictates any TV or movie(s) I genuinely enjoy are doomed to failure! Damn you life’s rich pageant!
In spite of my paranoia, I broke open a lovely bottle of ‘Mirassou’ in celebration and poured a tumbler of wine. Don’t look down your nose at me you former thieves; I’ve learned to drink from many vessels foreign to the elegant wine glass! There is hardly anything worse than pretentious assholes sniffing and gurgling wine samples to determine such esoteric adjectives as Buttery, Astringent, Dirty, Reticent, Voluptuous, and Zesty! It staggers the mind if one dwells on the abject ‘snotty’ of it all. That said I like wine. The primary difference between me and the ‘Dick-wad’ described above is, I’ll have at least consumed an entire bottle of said wine prior to any recommendation as opposed to “Wine Country Magazine.” You pony up enough cash, these would be Sommeliers will invent an award for you! Oenologists aside, licking wine from thimbles is not my idea of enjoyment! I can’t remember who said it, but find it appropriate; “Always carry a corkscrew and the wine shall provide itself!”
Still looking over my shoulder, I’ve noticed something slightly odd (shut up) about me. Whenever I drink straight from the bottle things normally invisible to me become crystal clear. Remarkably I’m able to see crows-feet, eye-liner smudges, and hands as big as catcher’s mitts on women casting lots and spinning yarns. Instead of being oblivious to my surroundings while in quest of socks, I’m aware of walking amongst the plain and filthy, I now can distinguish between Wal-Mart shoppers and K-Mart hooligans!
The look of each is unmistakable! Wal-Mart patrons tend to be hideously fat yet unaware full body tats and spandex is not a good look. K-Mart shoppers tend to have 14 children spread strategically throughout the store looking for specific items to steal. Should one of the little bounders get caught it’s merely a slap on the wrist. You have to admire these people though; at least they do it as a family! Probably the worst thing about it is one must adopt a certain gate while walking in the midst of a cesspool. When passing each pitiful soul crawling in the muck earning their daily bread, one must raise the corresponding hip to prevent touching the filthy bastard! Unfortunately it makes one look silly.
Yes I’m very glad to see the ‘Dude’ finally get the recognition he deserves. I can hear some of you saying, “zuki you moron, he didn’t get the prize playing the ‘Dude!” I’m hip. But take a good look. Since the 1998 release of the Big Lebowski any role Jeff Bridges has taken on since, is nothing more than a reincarnation of the ‘Dude’ simply thrust into different storylines! He’ll ALWAYS BE THE ‘DUDE’! Congrats Jeff, Dad would be proud.