Good Morning Diners Your Table is Ready,
I can’t begin to explain how different things are when I’m paid for a task and people actually value my input. There’s spring in the old legs and I can’t wait to get started each morning. It changes everything! It has given me the self-worth I’d misplaced and now women simply can’t say no to me! I left University “Sports” Bar (that’s right not Dewey’s) last night with the usual buzz, and decided to park my car at home and cab-it to the Bonefish for a little trolling.
Big Teri was manning the bar. It might be months between visits, but she’s always there. She’s a physical specimen this woman! I guess her to be 5’9” weighing close to 230 lbs. She’s funny in that she laughs at everything regardless of how droll the anecdote was delivered. Generally that would annoy me to no end, but now she was laughing at my shtick which is of course entirely different.
With the exception of Cush and perhaps Dv’ant who both struggle with social skills, most of us have been to gatherings or parties to imbibe and have a bit of fun. If you ever step back and casually scan the area, it doesn’t take long to find a person ‘holding court’ capturing the attention of those drawn in to bask in the good vibes. People are attracted to positive! While not lately, but couples used to come up to explain how they always ask for a table close to ‘Curmudgeon Corner’ just so they can hear the insults and sometimes humorous exchanges. At the Bonefish many folks sit at the bar until a table opens up, then new folks replace them and so on. It isn’t unusual to meet 16 people over the course of a meal and a bottle of wine. Most are couples but there are always one or two groups of single women that show up, and Teri (God bless her) never misses an opportunity to introduce ole ‘Marzuki.’
Linda, Maggie, and Allison were out celebrating Maggie’s 53rd birthday and evidently started the party mid-afternoon. As one would expect, they were very accommodating so we hit it off swimmingly. When a table opened up, they turned it down and opted to stay with me at the bar. I must have been grinning like some kind of hay-seed! Here I was with three reasonably attractive women delivering my material to fresh ears! Before long six other people joined the fray buying drinks for Maggie’s annual rotation. They must have thought I was with the party because I’d be included in every round! I don’t know about you, but when I begin to slam shots, the end of the evening arrives quickly whether I’m ready to go or not!
For the two hours at the bar Maggie repeatedly put her hand on my thigh and let it linger just a smidge too long for normal conversation. All of us were HAMMERED! Maggie kept saying aloud that she felt like a slut, and oblivious to our audience zeroed in on my ear washing it with her tongue. I was definitely invited to extend the party; Teri had already called us a cab. Linda and Allison would have to make their way home without Maggie. Disturbingly though, they acted as if this sort of thing happens all the time.
My God! I think we made another episode of ‘Taxi Cab Confessions!’ I’m absolutely sure the driver had to hose the cab out. While it’s always subjective when massive amounts of alcohol are involved, but I think I performed well enough to be invited back. We’ll see. Yes indeed, things go better with folding money and a good attitude! Fat, hobbled, and old—I still got it!