Good Morning Curious Bystanders,
Since my challenge to the silent regarding contribution to this most humble of sites, I’ve had a couple of replies that, and without weeping, just know I’m very pleased. This story is from Judge Grouper of Wyoming who evidently fell off the wagon. Enjoy:
Read Any Good Labels Lately?
A Kind of Research Paper
By Judge D.Grouper., Esq
Recently I got a phone call from an old friend in Wyoming. He wanted to know about my weather. I said that it was tolerable but was sure looking forward to the last snow. I asked him how the weather was at the ranch. He said, “It’s about minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit or Celsius.” It’s the only time the scales are the same. I said, “Oh…” He said, “Interesting as cold weather is it was not the reason I called you!”
I asked, “Well then, what is the nature of your call?” He said, “EMU Oil.” He went on to explain that EMU is NOT an Eastern Montana University Cheerleader, as previously thought. It’s a big bird from Australia. EMU Oil?—Yes!—He said that recently he read on a bottle of EMU Oil that it had NOT been tested on animals. I commented I wasn’t sure if that is a good thing or bad thing. I suggested that to be on the safe side—he should do the nose test on the EMU Oil. He should put a few drops of EMU Oil on his dog’s nose and then on his horse’s nose, and as a control group put some motorcycle chain oil on his wife’s and daughter’s nose—then sit back and observe them for a week. The results should be clear and noseworthy.
But—I digress—I asked, “Why would you be reading the labels on the back of EMU Oil bottles in the first place?” He answered, “In Wyoming – mid-Winter – the only warm, quiet place in the house is in the bathroom.” He explained, “I retire to the bathroom—grab a few bottles out of the medicine cabinet and read the labels—and let nature take its course.”
“After all these years of reading I think I could pass a pharmaceutical examination—all while keeping three women out of the bathroom.” I said, “WOW that is a testimony to something—I guess.” I suggested that he put his old Laramie High School Year Book (1955 was a banner year) in the bathroom and peruse it until springtime. He replied, “It just wouldn’t be the same thing!”
Well, after our next snow storm, I thought I would try his winter abatement program. So I retired to the bathroom—grabbed a few medicine and lotion bottles and started reading. The first thing I noticed was my legs went to sleep. So I stood up and continued my study. Of particular interest was the dreaded “Side Effects” that accompany the medicines. I soon realized that I have been suffering virtually all of the side effects listed on the bottles. What bothers me is I was not taking any of the pills—they were my wife’s and dog’s meds. The only pills I take are placebos, so I can hang with the Seniors in the hood. Their only side effect is occasionally choking on them. I have always associated the “dreaded side effects” with maturity and longevity. I assumed the longer your ‘evity’, the more side effects were bestowed on you. Also, I thought that with age comes wisdom and side effects. I thought that God gives you the wisdom (and memory loss) to deal with the side effects.
After my experiment with the labels and the side effects, I have decided to put a beer cooler, a small TV and a pillow in the bathroom and try again. I like the concept—maybe it just needs to be refined a bit.
See you this Summer,
Judge D. Grouper,. Esq.