Good Morning Victims of Actuaries,
Sometimes it’s easy to think coming up with topics for the ‘Diatribe’ is automatic. Look, without tapping into Dewey’s where subject matter is infinite, presenting new material is often difficult. I wanted to give the two or three of you reading this cassock a bit of insight as to the process. It can start as innocently as viewing a wmv file about Wile E. Coyote. I don’t know if was my state of mind given 72 hours of sobriety or what, but it was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long while. I’ll try and put a link up, but you have to join to see it. I forwarded the file originally sent by Dv’ant to Bagwan and JustJOE and those morons read something into it I didn’t expect. It served as inspiration for the next posting so I thought I’d share it with anyone still reading. The following string ensued:
I can actually see you walking into Deweys, wearing a cassock with a Bible in hand. The Church of Marzuki has a ring to it. Once you have 15 or 20 converts we will look into renting some storefront space in the strip center next to Deweys. Joe has a bible you can use and I have located a site where you can buy a cassock for 10% off (the price not the garment). www.morgansrobes.com
I checked your offered site, I think I’d like one of those clergy robes. I’ve always wanted to wear a cape and concur “Church of Zuki” has a nice ring to it. Elder Joseph also responded with a like minded suggestion. It’s as if the two of you collaborated! I asked to borrow his Bible, but as of this writing he has yet to offer it. I suppose I could buy one of those cheap ones until donations could afford me one of those gold leaf jobs with index markers.
Funny you should mention it… I was just about ready to ask you to invest some of you newly-minted free time toward learning about YOUR new Messiah: Barak Hussein Obama!
Michael (may I call you “Mike?”):
All kidding aside (no, really); Understanding your often-unrequited social searching, and your obvious predilection for all things internet, may I humbly (and confidentially) suggest www.sobercircle.com as an alternative avenue… I’m jus’ sayin’: “You Just Never Know!”
I remain, Yours in ___________,
Elder Joe: Thanks kindly for your humble suggestion. I was a former member of sober circle for a brief time, but discovered the managers of said site are a bit thin-skinned. Jokingly I referred to our group as ‘circle jerk’ and was tossed permanently without a chance to repent. It’s of little consequence though as I’ve turned the corner. 72 hours without imbibing has freed my mind of all encumbrance’s. I see the path before me. Baggie says you have a Bible I can borrow; at least long enough that donations can pay for one of my own.
Sadly, I’ve had to hock the Family Bible because of the economy… but you don’t really need one! Just make up a bunch of shit; get yourself a megaphone or a bullhorn; stake out a busy street corner or, better yet, a “new urbanism” venue like Stapleton, Lowery, or Southglenn; procure an appropriate donation container (perhaps an antique wicker collection basket or fly-fishing creel—“Fisher Of Men”); wear your Sunday Meetin’ Best; a black string tie would add a nice finishing touch; and… voila!… you’re in business!… Good Luck in Your Ministry!!!… How ‘bout: “Church Of Forsaken, Forgotten, Errant, Repentant Sinners”… COFFERS!!!
I continue to remain, Yours in ________,
If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m very excited about the ministry and can’t wait to discuss with you my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Can I have an amen? Look for my testimony coming to a convenience store near you!!