Good Morning Students of Good Intentions,
I’m always amazed by the things that happen to me because let’s face it; most trauma tends to be surreal. Prior to an event involving my participation, I’ll go over a loose game plan in my head leaving out details that at times cause physical pain. If experience counts for anything this pain is immediately followed by humiliation adding to the overall enjoyment.
Last evening I had such an experience involving one of our own. The whole thing started when Dee-Dee McCall suggested ‘Curmudgeon Corner’ attend ‘Movie on the Rocks’ put on by Red Rocks Amphitheater. Of course last night’s viewing was to be ‘The Big Lebowski’ so I was first to commit looking forward to it all week. Further Dee-Dee volunteered to drive! She argued convincingly that it just made sense because she drives a 74 Lincoln Towncar inherited from her late aunt and could carry seven. Besides she’s been there countless times and knows where everything is. Perfect.
Everyone was to meet at Dewey’s and car pool the 15 miles. Sadly one by one most everyone that said they’d go forgot or had last minute plans and could not go, so it was just the two of us. After gathering everything necessary to make ‘White Russians’ (Lebowski reference) we pulled into the park entrance and like sheep followed the car in front and were guided into our slot. The entire lot filled within minutes.
People of all ages were consuming ‘White Russians’ and all manner of alcohol while the air was sweetened by the aroma of herbal life wafting through the canyon. Dee-Dee mixed the last of our Caucasians and locked the car. It was almost dusk and still needed to secure our tickets. Staggering a bit, we found the line of people that were walking up a 60 degree incline. Holy shit!! I don’t remember signing a disclaimer releasing them from liability, and willed my way to the top.
As we approached the end of the line I asked my ‘guide to outdoor adventure’ if we got our tickets at the top to which she replied “Yes, I think so” so we marched some 300 yards straight up the walkway past those who obviously had tickets, and made the arduous climb. Completely out of breath, I hadn’t noticed a ticket office so I asked the security cop. He stared at me in disbelief for a moment, then trying to hide his amusement indicated we had to go back down the walkway, get back into the car, and drive to the ticket office located at the bottom of the park and then come back.
SHIT! Dee-Dee had nothing to say. I entertained the idea until I actually saw the lines at the ticket office and hundreds of people actually parked and hiking the half-mile back to the walkway! TO HELL WITH THAT! I demanded to go back into Morrison and sit it out at the Holiday Bar.
Unfortunately, a drunken Dee-Dee sped past the road we needed to take and had to turn around. Without hesitation she cranked the wheel and slammed it in reverse immediately rolling off the edge with only a third of ‘the beast’ clinging to the shoulder. Rear wheels firmly atop a mint bush the succulent plant offered little traction as I watched the rear wheels spin. Helpless, I recruited four 20-something’s to help push us out.
On cue we shoved the piece of shit forward and finally got traction so the tub of lard car lurched forward; causing me to fall flat on my face then tumble the remaining 10’ of embankment. Still lying on my back I couldn’t believe this was actually happening to me and screamed obscenities! A group of young women called to me in genuine concern, “Sir, are you okay?”……I replied something to the effect of minding one’s own business. I believe it was more colorful….but ‘I’m just saying’
I’ll leave out the part of turning 75’ before Morrison Road taking Dee-Dee’s word about a short cut only to arrive on someone’s front porch! We ended the drama by parking at the Holiday Bar. The Juke Box was loaded with wonderful Blues tunes and we sat and talked for an hour or so and enjoyed our conversation.
It was indeed fortuitous we arrived at our respective destinations unharmed or arrested but suffice it to say it was one of the most bizarre evenings I’ve had in quite some time.