Good Morning Fools,
Well another Christmas is in the books and I for one am relieved. This annual kick to the groin puts my decision to divorce squarely in my face! I get to witness firsthand how it’s all worked out. I don’t care how unhappy the ‘relationship’ was; it doesn’t come close to my current hell. I basically spent the last 48 hours with my entire family including my son-in-law and grandson. While this is very nice and always a good experience for me, it’s always dictated on the ex’s terms. Even upon further analysis, it simply comes down to an honest preference. Think about it. Mom & Bradley’s house smelling of fresh baked apple pies, 72 inch HD Plasma Screen with cable with an endless DVD collection versus Dad’s cardboard box. This isn’t a hard decision! I’ve seen the difference and I’d give up the box this second! My disadvantage is a very important one in that I have no place for anyone to sit down let alone spend more than an hour. Shit!
Okay this is the irrevocable truth! If I’m unable to provide a clean habitable place for a one year old, I’ll never see my daughter and grandchild outside of my ex-wife’s supervision. She’s (my ex) never tried to prevent me from seeing any of my kids, rather my daughter will always choose in favor of my ex unless I can provide an alternative she’s unable to dismiss. Safe havens mean an income outside of begging drinks at Dewey’s so I must re-assess my priorities.
The only way I know of to actually self-impose change is to quit the self-destructive things I do most days and replace it with something; anything really, that would take me a step forward. If you actually think about it, to really exact change literally means one must abandon the life-style yielding the same bullshit results year after year. At some point one must decide if they’re content or do something to radically reverse the status quo!
Like my good friend Griz, I choose to transform my current apologetic excuse for a life into one of confident if not arrogant self realization. I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANOTHER CHRISTMAS AS SOME HAT-IN-HAND MENDICANT LOOKING FOR A HAM SANDWICH. All my children will contact me for at least a 2 hour visit at my place! What makes this easy is that for once they’ll have to choose.
For the two or three of you reading this epiphany I apologize it took so long. For my friends at curmudgeon corner, please understand it’s not personal by any means. Rather it’s my own realization that if I don’t do something different, nothing will change and I figure that’s a death sentence!
Other than the above, I had a good Christmas. I’ve been visiting with Quinn my grandson, interacting with my children, and wallowing in sackcloth and ashes. There’s not much else I can do. However, one never knows what will happen when changing the flow of one’s energy. Stay tuned.