Could Chinese Herb Be a Natural Viagra?

Early research suggests ‘horny goat weed’ might help men with impotence
By Amanda Gardner, HealthDay Reporter

FRIDAY, Oct. 3 (HealthDay News) — A Chinese herbal remedy known as “horny goat weed” may indeed live up to its name as a natural version of Viagra. Italian researchers report that laboratory studies show that the compound has the potential to treat erectile dysfunction, and possibly with fewer side effects than its pharmaceutical cousin…..

The two or three of you reading this kundalini can read the entire article on MSNBC’s news page as I did, because it confirms what I’ve always suspected. ‘Horny goat weed’ is the pot o’ gold at the end of a rainbow. Screw the futures market, the pox on real estate investing, and to hell with a balanced portfolio. You can snicker and laugh if you want to, but turnover couch cushions, roll up those nickels, and borrow from all your friends and relatives to buy as many bales as you can! Yes just like oil is measured in barrels, ‘horny goat weed’ is sold in bales. I don’t know about most of you, but in my adult lifetime I’ve passed on at least four ground floor opportunities and let them slip by because I was a chicken shit. WELL MY FRIENDS….NOT THIS TIME!

I called the Chinese Embassy in D.C. and through an exhaustive process of complementing the Chinese gymnastic team I was finally given the name of Sen Lee. After many attempts I at last was able to make contact but quickly discovered Mr. Lee likes to be called ‘Roy.’ As close as I can understand Sen Lee watched every old Roy Rogers feature ever made! He became so obsessed about the Hollywood cowboy he actually annoyed his parents to the point they secretly moved away leaving their 13 year old son to fend for himself. Even In his pigeon English I could sense he enjoyed telling this story and certain it’s been embellished over the years. But Roy being the consummate entrepreneur could see this coming years ago and has quietly been recruiting farmers. He’s been able to convince thousands of them to put aside a few acres to grow the highly speculative plant assuring a higher price than all other crops combined. Given the Chinese hybrid economy Roy has managed to corner the market! Of course nothing happens without the government’s blessing and subsequent cumshaw, but as of this writing if one is going to deal in ‘horny goat weed’ one will have to go through my new friend Roy. After sharing my business plan with Roy he shipped three bales to me at cost. I figure if I can find the best way to market this natural wood maker, I’ll have no trouble finding investors to launch “Zuki’s Horny Goat Weed Enterprises”

In China the preferred method of ingesting horny goat weed is to brew and drink it like tea. It’s not a pleasant experience though as it tastes like liquid chalk; a muddy Pepto Bismo if you will. The residue sticks to and coats the roof of your mouth leaving one with the lingering taste of dirt. I’ve been experimenting with cinnamon, nutmeg, and other spices to see if it’s possible to make it more palatable but with little progress. None of these did much if anything to remove the nasty taste so I took a handful of raw weed and soaked it a full week in cheap Vodka. Placing the soaked plants on a cheese-cloth rack the bloated leaves and stems were allowed to dry completely then ground into a course powder.

Using a coffee filter I fashioned a crude teabag letting it brew in a sauce pan saving the grinds to mix with a batch of brownies. I prepared a sandwich and poured myself a small cup of tea. To my amazement the ‘dirt’ taste was gone replaced by a mild raw potato taste; a significant improvement! I finished the cup then filled a large coffee mug and finished my lunch. Within minutes and without so much as a breeze or thought of cleavage I got a boner! I mean solid granite! I was very pleased at the fact I remained at full mast for over two hours and convinced I’d hit the jackpot at long last. However, five hours later my condition had become uncomfortable so I tried to mitigate the erection by poking holes in the drywall! After ramming waist-high holes (7 in all) in the wall there was still no change. I’d gone well beyond the dreaded 4-hour erection and was now in abject pain. Reading the Bible with a bag of ice on my lap finally allowed my ‘stiffie’ to subside. Whew…that’s too much of a good thing.

Obviously there’s a bit of work to do regarding dosage based on the severity of limp-dick syndrome experienced, but it’s almost ready to be mass marketed. You’ll know you heard it here first when every convenience store in the world has “Zuki’s Horny Goat Weed” individual tea bags w/condoms attached. It’ll replace ALL energy pill counter-stands and allow me to drench in the sunshine in Kona. Only in America!


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