ZUKI FACES REALITY – ive got your cumshaw right here baby

Good Morning Land Lovers,

We’ve all heard the saying “timing is everything” and as usual I’ve become the poster child for the negative side of that old saying. One might even point to and pardon the pun, that I’ve missed the boat! Here we are steaming toward Puerto Vallarta (1st stop) drenched in the warm tropical sun surrounded by numerous single women, many of which are of means, and I sit aboard penny-less. Like Hawaii everyone on board is absolutely ready to party! My parents paid for the trip but one can spend twice that for on board amenities and off-shore activities. I’m not complaining mind you, but sticking to a ten dollar per day budget will of course be difficult. I’m writing to you just hours after weighing anchor and I’ve already made a date with Lorri. She’s one of those Pollyanna types that dots her i’s with a little heart. We’re to meet at the Crooners Bar after dinner for a Celebratory glass of Champaign. This two glass event is on the house so hopefully I can escape with minor damage.

I’ve already pissed off a waiter and cocktail waitress. I didn’t expect the cumshaw rate to be what it is! One is expected to take care of the servers, maids, and cabana boys! This alone threatens to bust my impecunious plans; ALL TO HELL!!! I can’t fault these people living in ‘Steerage’ as their expectations are no doubt met by those that wouldn’t dream of vacationing this way. The food on board is free and quite good but they all expect palms to be greased. In fact they don’t leave it to chance and add 15% to every item not included in the voyage.

At the outset I must clearly state that under other circumstances I’d decline this voyage given my empty pockets. The only reason I’m going is because it would break my elderly parent’s heart if I didn’t. They’ve planned this for nearly a year and about as excited as I’ve ever seen them. While not discussed as such, I suspect this trip represents more or less a last hurrah. How could they know their first born hasn’t a pot to piss in?

As always one doesn’t have to wait too long for life’s rich pageant to deliver a FREE show if you’re willing to wait. The rolling blue Pacific has caught a number of people off guard. Sea-sickness has set in for an unfortunate few and even though one is warned not to puke over the side but when you gotta go you gotta go. I was taking pictures of dolphins jumping in the ships wake as announced by the omnipresent loudspeaker when I heard the unmistakable splattering of vomit hitting the deck from above. Luckily it missed by about eight feet and spared me a re-action puke and change of clothes. I made the ill-advised decision to look up but saw no one so I couldn’t identify the culprit for ridicule.

Outside of spending time with my immediate family members, I’ll have the ocean, stars, sunsets, and the rare flash of beautiful tanned T&A’s to comfort me. Not that I’m any spring chicken mind you, but the blue hairs outnumber the young buxom women 3:1! My plan is far more difficult than I imagined…pickings are slim yet I remain hopeful as I’ve been invited to the ‘singles mixer’ tomorrow night. Meanwhile I look forward to combing the beaches and savor a bit of the local culture to fill my journey and promise to post activities and pics I deem worthy of your time.


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