Good Morning Defilers of Artifice,
I finally had enough. I couldn’t take one more syllable of psychobabble from Pollyanna and brought utter silence to the room. The Bagwan would have been proud but unfortunately righteous indignation got the better of me. The sad thing about it was I almost made it without incident.
It was the usual woolgathering of feigning interest in a tedious mandated some Phd got rich full of shit lesson manual in 40 minutes for a calculated two hours! Mind you, that’s the only thing that makes it bearable yet I hurt her feelings! Pollyanna is essentially killing the last ten minutes of ‘therapy’ and by everything noteworthy I intended to keep my mouth shut. But do you think I could? Hell no! Her incessant drivel drove me over the top. With the exception of the instructor these people have been exposed to my sensibilities only a short time and unprepared for the bitch-slapping unleashed by yours truly.
She’s afraid to let us out before the court ordered time of 9:00 PM but on rare occasions will release us before 8:30 PM. I’d almost put another shackled meeting behind me and mark one off when her blathering caused me to snap. Pollyanna after a stimulating discussion on empathy’s ability to heal the soul turned her ‘Cliff Claven’ like delivery about how we now knew each other and who we are from our superficial “where are you from?” conversation. I don’t remember the exact words, but what I think I said is “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? NO BODY KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT WHO I AM, NOR DO I SUSPECT THEY WISH TO.!..! THE FACT YOU THINK WE DO, SHOULD DISTURB EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM! FOR YOU TO SAY THAT IS NOT ONLY UNCONSCIONABLE BUT INSINCERE AT BEST! The room was dead silent. It was like the ride to the tenth floor with one other stranger and about as long. Realizing I might be threatening the status quo for the other inmates and further alienate them I tried to back peddle. It came out as “DID THEY TEACH YOU THAT IN COLLEGE?? netting a deeper hole.
This whole thing has become so fucking intrusive, I’m going to seek a meeting with the city attorney and see if I can somehow serve time to make it all go away. I’d be willing to spend a year in jail to pay my debt to society than suffer through one more session. I’m also considering a class action discrimination suit against the state. While not researched, but from my personal journey through this hell the entire process of carrying out and monitoring the sentence is controlled by women. My ‘councilor’, probation officer, class/therapy, and judge are all women. Many of them profess to be from broken even abusive relationships and seem to relish the idea of being in a position of power particularly over men. There are those who would accuse me of misogyny but they’d be wrong! I love women. But I’d like to look into the gender breakdown of the probation and ancillary departments to quantify my suspicions. That’s public information right?
Unfortunately the damage may have already been done. Sadly they may tack another 12 hours of “anger management” to help me deal with my anger at $25 per. I’ve asked for an official definition of what therapy means to satisfy the state’s requirement for a “pound of flesh.” I always thought therapy was supposed to be an honest exchange of our feelings with the group but now I’m not certain. Shit I’ll just have to beg forgiveness and try not to spit in their collective eyes.
What a fucking world!