GRIZ FRIGHTENS HIS GROUP – three little maids from school

Good Morning Conspirators,

The air was a bit sweeter last Saturday. Things in general seemed to be flowing my way and those encountered all had agreeable dispositions. There was a quiet confidence exuding from team Dewey’s. The callow behavior usually exhibited was suspended for an hour resulting in raised glasses to savor the victory over our vanquished foes. However, having said this, I remembered these moments should be kept in perspective as the sour taste of defeat has only now left my pallet. Nice game Lil’s.

For the two or three of you that got lost in Google and somehow ended up here, the above is in reference to our weekly trivia duel with Diamond Lil’s a Chicago area bar who is a worthy adversary. Unfortunately they’ve just been bitch-slapped by our crack Dewey’s team. You’ll just have to do the best you can with the above as this posting has nothing to do with the game….shit, I’m actually sorry I even brought it up…

I just got out of Griz’s counseling group session. I’m stunned and ashamed for one of our own. As most of you know Griz has managed to survive his job and then suddenly announce he’d been made a partner; “and proud we are of him.” In spite of his apparent success there’s still a void in this mans soul, a dark spot; hollow and filled with pain. This was evidenced last week by his total melt-down while in group therapy. My associate asked me to go with him for this dubious return. I agreed of course. I know what you importunate do good-ers are thinking! I stabbed him in the back! I don’t see it that way because he should have known better! So contrary to what you’re thinking, Griz most certainly wants this exposed and in the open. How else would you explain an invitation to attend his group session? To put more of a sympathetic face on this I’d like to think I’m actualizing a friend’s catharsis. All of you should feel ashamed for your lack of faith.

I don’t have much experience in this sort of thing but most groups start by allowing each participant to tell who they are and a little about themselves. When it was Griz’s turn his jowls began to quiver and tears flowed down his bulbous cheeks before he uttered a word. It was as if he’d been practicing the tears for a performance. Finally when he was sure everyone was paying attention be began a halting dialog filled with dramatic pauses to regain his composure. He regaled the group with accounts of his days at Julliard. One by one he listed all his close friends who went on to gain fame and fortune. Kelsey Grammer, Robin Williams, Dick Van Dyke, Bob Denver, and Percy Faith, were at the head of the class. He went on to lament that deep down he believed he was more talented than all of them! Even the one he pointed out doing beef jerky commercials! He’s convinced his off Broadway role in ‘The Mikado’ proved beyond any doubt his self-acclaimed talents were far superior! He pulled out faded press clippings and reviews then pathetically passed them around to the group who by now were a bit overwhelmed by our Griz. Obviously without having seen him dressed in Geisha drag; white makeup, Kimono and all I’m hardly qualified to comment. But it’s certain he truly believes it. To be honest I began to worry for my own safety.

Looking around at the others it was as clear everyone was in shock. Their mouth’s open looking stupefied I suspect most was also thinking of bailing out. He cited one example after another of how he was greater than his now famous friends. Not just in acting but in drinking, women, voice, as well as scholastically he bettered them all! Some members of the group began whimpering fearing the big man would flip out and go off on someone so I stepped between them and as straight faced as possible told him I believed him. I motioned with my arm behind me for the rest to chime in with praise. “Yeah, you killed em”…..”It’s obvious to me”……..”Can I have your autograph?”……….”You really got screwed….. “ Praise was heaped upon our good friend until even he blushed feeling a little uncomfortable. It worked though. Looking a bit confused Griz asked why everyone was leaving not realizing he’d taken 75 minutes making the case for superior talent. Everyone quickly and politely excused themselves never making eye contact but vanished in less than 30 seconds. I followed behind and said “Well done my friend” and slapped him on the back and told him I’d see him later. As I walked away I definitely heard him break out in falsetto voice and with enthusiasm sing “Three little maids from school.” I ran full tilt to the bus.


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